***pros***
- say goodbye to all traces of anxiety regarding the strange state of nothingness you would have been slowly but surely approaching if, say, you were mortal
- you can get drunk and fuck bitche$ for all eternity
- we can fully let go of any vestiges of religion because who needs a God when y'are one? (Gods are immortal right? that's the whole premise of God-dom right? yeah?)
- and with no religion, no war and stuff. and just think of all the cool things you can do on any given Sunday morning like have sex and go to the zoo (same goes for ... Fridays? or << insert Sabbath day here >>)
- no worries if you fuck up! and no need to ruin your children's lives by putting them under house arrest or attempting to indoctrinate them with your ideals in attempt to live vicariously through them. you can live vicariously through yourself! forever. and ever. and ever.
- attention musicians: you could lead normal lives and not practice 20+ hours a day because... you got time. seriously. put that clarinet down.
- nothing would really matter
***cons***
- think of all the beautiful pop lyrics that would never be possible (i.e. Shakira's poetic and tear duct-teasing couplet "you said you'd love me until you die/whatever whatever you're still alive" )
- the world would get so fucking overpopulated and we'd probably all die anyway of water-deprivation / starvation / suicide / all that jazz
- would you really even want to foster a relationship with your great great great great great great great great grandmother? nah. which leads to our next point ...
- Christmas gatherings. how would that even work?
- we wouldn't be able to haphazardly bleat <3~YOLO~<3 every time we do something that would otherwise indicate that we're medically stupid
- think of all dem crypt keepers and ghosts that would be out of a job
- the Catholics wouldn't get to be with Jesus or whatever
- we'd have to colonize other planets and who really wants that
- say goodbye to your very favorite-est and oh-so-applicable aphorism: "life's too short to _________". no, bitch. wrong. you have to do all that mundane, annoying shit because you got time and life ain't short. life ain't even a thing.
- the whole Twilight franchise is really annoying and they have immortality or whatever
- everyone knows that funerals are really just mandatory emergency family reunions where you get to meet all your third cousins and long-lost great aunts who somehow all have diabetes. where would you really be without the companionship of half-cousin Hilton? or Tabitha (who's not even your real aunt)? that's right. nowhere.
- nothing would really matter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ <3
so, you see, it's a tough call, but after thoughtfully considering the benefits and disadvantages to permanent existence, i think maybe we should stick to this whole biological-clock lifespan bullshit thing we already got going. who's with me?
(i know guys. super intellectual. don't read this all in one sitting.)
(oh and: newsflash, my name ain't Kate Jonze. SURPRISE. I wanted to be Kate Jones but obvs that name was taken. so now i'm a distant relative of good ole Spike. oh, and please, if you know me and you know you know me, keep this blog under wraps. i wish to remain =*~ anonymous ~*=.)
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