new (school) yearz resolutionz ~!~

life is short but it has been said that taking the time to coddle and love and baby yourself can never hurt. hey, that's how i've done pretty much anything that's been hard. lots of self-talk, lists, highlighters and sugary beverages with whipped cream. cats and sleep. sleeping with cats (but not with cats... yikes). you get the idea. anyways, that all being stated, here is my ambitious but achievable list of expectations and things to do/try/plan for during this upcoming school year. (yes, i love making lists)

- write for a paper at U of T. or even - gasp - START a paper. one with mostly graphics. one with weird and wacky campus fashion. one with articles and quips about the oddities of life. one with pop-culture anthologies. one with my best fran Julia. okay, we'll see. but how sick does that sound? pretty sick, amirite? 

- sing in O-Scat again. and do as many gigs as possible. because performing is the juice of life when you're me and being in a jazz a capella group can only make this easier. 

- participate in one fitness class per day. either at the Y or Hart House. Amanda is the best Hart House instructor, for all y'alls who were wondering. peppy aerobics remixes of '50s hits and boundless energy is what you can expect. pros: i get to shower regularly which, let's face it, i really wouldn't otherwise. cons: none.

- wake up early enough to practice 45-60 minutes of jazz piano/voice leading daily before whatever class (this is so real. i need to do this in order to fulfill my destiny). continue biweekly lessons with Teri and bite the fucking 60 dollar bullet. 

- environmental fashion show at Vic. i thrift anyways, right? 

- having a half-decent website for my line of weird greeting cards, activationsynthesistheoryofdreams

- running air bnb occasionally to pay for piano lessons

- swing every saturday!

- plan summer school in the city and a semester abroad (hopefully a French-speaking country/city) to complete interesting English courses to go towards my major 

- take on one long swim instructional shift per week because money and also kids are really fucking cute and i'm not having any for a loooooong time

- going to therapy weekly because that's the only way i'm surviving this life. 

okay. getting my life in order? check. getting fit as hell and feeling great? check. maybe possibly maintaining my relationships? check. school? um... check.

yeah. 

oh god, i'm obnoxious. 

despite my best efforts, that little project failed but HEY motherfuckers I'm back

hi everybody; my massive audience that I know is just itching to read these words i so lusciously type. not. 
anyways, it's been a fucking weird summer since three months ago when i attempted to ~YOLO~ and commit to a blogging / living / doing things project. now it's the end of August and i'm caught in a web of circular thought about ... death. it's not even intelligent. i understand that. but i can't stop thinking about how, inevitably and surely, i will be thrust into non-existence and my brain and all of its weird and quirky contents will rot away along with all my hopes and dreams and everything i worked to build. super cheery, isn't it? anyways, i save the rest of that for my psychiatrist (love you, Dr. Friedman!). so... summer. it's almost over. but i'm happy about this. i mean... it's been fun. i've started regularly swing dancing with my best gal-pal and it's been great, minus the gritty/horny/desperate man-dom being flung towards the too-nice me. what else? i took high school calculus (relax, i'm only 19, please reserve your judgement), a prerequisite for the Psychology program at U of T and got an 80 despite my fears that i wouldn't. i've seen some good concerts, movies, live comedy. and lastly but not leastly, i've met a dude who's just as weird and random and broken and creative and brilliant as myself. okay. that last part was a little pompous and i know it. but alas, it is true. i don't know if it's right or wrong. i don't know if i'm too good for him or he's too good for me or if us being in "different life stages" (gasp!) is an actual impediment. maybe he has a perfect little (actually it's enormous) family and i have a fucked up little (actually tiny) family. maybe he's half as emotionally developed as me despite being 3 calendar years ahead of me. maybe we met on a stupid, sleazy, slightly taboo sex-app called Tinder, that we ourselves like to make fun of. maybe he told me he loved me at the worst, most cringe-worthy time, and while completely inebriated. maybe he transforms into a sloppy not-adorable baby puppy dog with an affinity for inappropriate PDA when he's had a little too much. maybe he sleeps in to the mid-afternoon in my bed. when i've gone to work hours ago. maybe. but ... um. well. i think i may love him? yeah. i think that i do. fuck it. 

-4-

-4-

~~~songoftheday~~~
Brand New - Me vs. Maradona vs. Elvis (Deja Entendu)

~~~swagoftheday~~~


~~~musicthing~~~
In The Backseat

~~~ididnt~~~
Today was mundane until I decided to break open the Tylenol 3s (with Codeine) from when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I had 3; the dosage is one every 4 hours. So, for a pretty clean girl like me, it was slightly scandalous. It was fun. I recorded the above clip. I was pretty happy for a good half-hour. Felt fuzzy. Warm. Good. Sleepy. I don't do drugs. Well, at least not in that sense. So taking them at random on a dull Thursday night? A lil crazy. Wish I was doing something insane while being "high", but recording old Arcade Fire and listening to St. V's entire discography was not a terrible alternative. I still have a good 23 pills left, so might push it a little further and do 'em tomorrow when I go out. (Seeing Toronto Indie rockers, Blue Hands, Columbo, Garrison Creek etc.) 

~~~streamofsomething~~~
Freeganism. It's fascinating. Check it out. What a way of life, which completely aligns itself with my stance against waste, overconsumption and needless expenditure of human blood and sweat. Seriously, though. I may just compare dumpsters in the next few weeks, along with some other plans I have been concocting as a part of this summer project of reinvention and disassociation with the parts of myself that I can't face.
Anyways, I want to genuinely talk to you (80 or so people), who have so far been exposed to this blog. It's a time-capsule I can laugh at later. And it's my way of developing a sound; a voice. Being good is not a priority. It's being completely comfortable with making things and trying not to judge them or hide them but to just let them sit out in the open that is. Anyways, I was over-ambitious and wanted to explore veganism or talk about something intellectual here, but I am dead-tired. As per usual. So, later folks! Wish me luck in my pilgrimage to psychological freedom!

-3- [[RIP POST 3]]

-3-

Because of my amazing computer skills, post 3 got deleted. if you really want to know, I was using it as a template for post 4 and forgot altogether that it was ever post 3. however, to pay homage to this wonderful post (truly, it was one of my favourites!) I will try and recapture the essence of it. 

POST 3 MEMORIAL

Post 3 lived an honourable life. Its favourite song was the dreamy, psychadelia-laden, '80s-nostalgic Connan Mockasin single off of LP, Forever Dolphin Love: Faking Jazz Together (which is all I've listened to since inadvertently deleting this post.) What else happened in this post's tragically short life? It promoted its love of depressing, low-fi, acoustic #1 Hit of internet sensation, Kate Jonze. Give this little musicthing a listen: my people/deliberately lost. It's not horrible at all and 100% improvised, so if you hate it, there's that. What else, what else? I mean, there must be more to the sad, short life of an entity that died with nothing but a sad little Google post to its name, which you can find on my wall. The crazy thing I did wasn't so crazy: I biked home in solitude at 2:00 a.m. while eating a veggie roti and a bag of corn pops, which both met their demise to the streetcar tracks I was travelling upon. Crazy? Not really, but for some of us, it is. at least Post 3 thought so. Bless its sad little deleted soul. 

Visual representation of post 3? voila:





HA. no. 

-2-

~~~songoftheday~~~

David Byrne and St. Vincent - The Forest Awakes (Love This Giant)

~~~swagoftheday~~~

this vest is my brother's back when he was a lil pumpkin. the shirt i got for free from a charity clothing drive for a recycled fashion show i was a part of (awks but no one wanted it so like.... um)

~~~musicthing~~~

https://soundcloud.com/onekatejonze/poinciana
(this is really bad but hopefully you can absorb its essence/my good intentions)

~~~ididnt~~~
At this unearthly hour of 1:51 I should be listening to some ambient shit on rdio in a state of semi-consciousness. However, I am not. I am blogging as I listen to some ambient shit on rdio in a state of semi-consciousness. This being said, I hope I can do this strange night justice. Today I attended a meeting for a University of Toronto Newspaper, aptly called The Newspaper. I knew no-one there except my previously-mentioned Tinder acquaintance(?), Grant. And, obviously was a little curious to see what I would be interpreted as in relation to him, being a total stranger to everyone else. Was I his friend? His sister's friend? How did we know each other? Was I an eager, soon-to-be recruit for the great institution of The Newspaper? Turns out, I was none of the above. No one gave me a second glance, and I was immediately embraced by welcoming indifference. I met a whole slew of people who I had to pretend I knew nothing about. It was a very interesting and educational experience. Here were some highlights in unchronological point form since that is all that I am capable of at this moment:

1. this: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btV6M2xDe38 
bewildered this hasn't gone viral yet. the meme/vine world should be ALL OVER this shit. life is a game, a video game. 

2. this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=44f7BewqNqA
apparently the #1 hit single seven years ago in Norway, with the #2 chart-topper being an extended pizza ad. God Bless Norway. 

3. THIS:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO6U-nM2rF0 
truly atrocious. 

~~~streamofsomething~~~

Once again I am blogging in the middle of the night. Today made me a little sad, and once again brought me back to my fundamental conflicts: LIKING WHAT I LIKE. You heard correctly. I'm insecure about my tastes, even though I know they're good and I need to strip away every expectation and just do what I want and like what I want. This means deleting all the scummy Nirvana tunes I never listen to off my iTunes (sorry, Nirvana fans, they're great, but I don't need to have 150 of their unlabelled crappy-quality youtube-ripped songs ricocheting around on shuffle just because they're Nirvana and I should like them. YOU KNOW?) Same goes for books and television. If I like to consume fucked-up, obscure media then that's what it's going to be. It's time to watch The Joe Schmoe Show and We Could Be Heroes and just embrace the fact that I love reading plays and classics. For pleasure.

-1-

u are 100% 16 and nt 22 

~~~songoftheday~~~

Battles - Atlas (Mirrored)

~~~swagoftheday~~~

this photo has been removed because it clearly shows my face. and who really wants to see that. 

~~~musicthing~~~okay, so I don't know why it's underlining right now but it won't stop. Anyways, this is a bit of a cop-out but I am so tired and will add in the musicthing tomorrow. promise. but right now I am literally dying.  

~~~ididnt~~~
I cut my bangs. SO short that ironically, post-bangs looks eerily similar to pre-bangs. But nevertheless I need the change even if it entails looking a little ridiculous every morning. I'm aiming for a '50s Mad Men kind of aesthetic (which will probably develop more when they're long enough to actual curl). Oh well! Spontaneity! 

~~~streamofsomething~~~

It's 1:23 a.m. and my eyes are bleary after haphazard attempts at watching and/or understanding the first two episodes of Orphan Black. But alas I WILL not fail on the first day of my summer blogging pilgrimage. It's actually been a good day, between transforming my head of hair in a bizarre way, browsing events for Canadian Music Week, thinking about doing my taxes, planning a recording session with my good friend, bike-riding recklessly, and working the most amazing last-moment instructing shift at a pool I'd never heard of. Also resumed correspondence with the single fruit of my two-day-Tinder labour. Yes, in a bout of loneliness and thirst, I downloaded the infamous sex-app where I found this yummy little oddity. He's a strangely addictive dude named Grant, who has a very endearing hybrid Yorkshire-Canadian accent, that sounds perfect and boyish while also resembling a speech impediment. He uses words like "smarmy" and expressions like "pish posh". In fun, of course, but nevertheless. He's a self-proclaimed introvert who "does the people thing out of love" or something like that. They drain him, but he still loves 'em. Anyways, he's funny as hell, travels incessantly, likes a lot of weird music (a lot of which I like) and is just a generally high-quality human being. Being an introvert, he'll forget about you for days at a time, but never fear because he means well. Anyways, although I've been seeing people over the last few weeks, he's definitely my muse. And a little bit of a tease, but we'll see if we can change that. After dropping off the face of the planet for about a week he spontaneously invited me for drinks with his posse of (mostly) bitches from (quite literally) The Newspaper. Outspoken, humorous and some even both happy to have fake-sex with a gay man for a cover shoot and go public with their bi-polar disorder, his gal pals seem to be a phenomenon of their own. So, we'll see. Drinks with TinderMan and his bitties may just be the thing I'd never do that I'll do tomorrow.

The Plan

For this project I'm going to post exactly once daily. Here will be the lay-out:

btw this woman is my hero and i love her body and the shit she wears ahh

~~~song of the day

~~~a picture depicting what crazy, beautiful thing I wore that day

~~~musicthing of the day (i.e. a probably very crappy-quality, very jazzy, very fun sound-clip of me)

~~~thing I would never do that I did (that day)

~~~an unfiltered commentary on something. Probably just a stream of consciousness or a rant. But it will hopefully relate to the objectives of this blog. Will most likely be about who is pissing me off, what I'm reading, what I'm watching and what I happen to be fascinated with at the moment.