priorities

I say my program is mundane bullshit. That I'm effortlessly doing well.

So then why am I dropping courses in droves?

because I'm not. 


because I need to get my shit together. 

because I'm actually letting everything slip. 

because Kyle is right; the only reason I need to actually try at my life is that I need practice learning to be great at something even if it's not the something. I know this reads like a John Green novel, but I'm not going for that. There's never a good excuse to be apathetic/cynical/unmotivated. If I'm paying large sums of money to go to university, then I better damn well bleed this institution dry. I must prove to myself that I can master a subject or write a good research paper. Because, presently, this is what I'm doing with my life, even if I have no clue what I will be doing with the rest of it. 


I'm going to dig myself out of this stupid ditch of self-pity and start caring. A lot.